F.A.I.T.H

We always hear people saying that we must have faith . 

Faith in God. Faith in ourselves. Faith in our loved ones.

The easiest for me is faith in my loved ones. I know my family and close friends would be there for me , always. I have no doubt that my closest ones would be there to lift me up in my darkest hours. 

Faith in myself is the toughest sometimes. I have always been a very optimistic person. Really. As much as I am quite a perfectionist, I always feel that things can always be solved and one should not fret over small matters. 

Until I fail at things that are totally beyond my control. That is when self-worth becomes a question and I sit there, thinking what I could have done to avoid all those despite knowing they could really not be my fault.

Then comes the biggest thing - Faith in God. 

It makes me feel so small, humble, embarrassed, guilty- all rolled into one - when I think about those times when I questioned my faith in HIM.

When I questioned why He did not answer my continuous prayers.

When I got angry that He took away things so precious to me. 

When I wondered why others are so much more privileged and blessed in their lives.

Astaghfirullah.

Who am I to do all those questionings when I am still so far away from being the exemplary Muslimah I should be? 

I would say my growing up years were pretty blessed and smooth-sailing. The challenges only come much later in my life and boy, they are really quite a feat!

The tears, the heartaches, the frustrations..... I wouldn't know how I would have survived if I haven't been constantly reminded by husby to always turn to Him for peace and tranquility of the heart and especially, the soul. 

It is a little tough sometimes still but I think I've got the hang of it.  

I think every obstacle and unanswered prayer in my life was just to bring me closer to You. ....and for that , Alhamdulillah.

I am still working on it and I pray that whether tough or easy, I would get through it as how a Muslim should. 

Thank you Allah for all the happiness bestowed upon my family and I , and for this little blessing.