The Mini-Me

I would not say I have a blessed life .

There were definitely obstacles along the way .

Some are pretty trivial like horrible break-ups, disappoining results... you know, those things you go through in your growing-up years.

I have had serious problems too such as my once-mountainous credit card bills (hehe....I am glad I have since repented) and of course, the most serious one was dealing with my dad's cancer. That was tough. Really tough . Up till now, I still have no idea how my family survived through the whole ordeal.

But what I am going through has got to be the most physically, mentally and emotionally challenging problem I personally have thus far.

As much as I want to share (because one seriously needs to get it out of the system), I cannot.

All I can say is it is painful , it hurts, it 'kills' my drive.

All I can do is cry. And pray. And hope.

Sometimes, I wonder where I get all the strength to go on with life normally, to carry out my career with commitment, to still shower love to everyone whom I care for.

I wonder.

Husby has been my best companion, of course. He picks me up, lifts me up and encourages me to move on. He is the sweetest thing ever.

But that does not change the hurt I go through although he makes it easier.

I always wonder if this is retribution. I wasn't really the best kid a parent could have, neither am I the best in God's eye *shudders*

When I am alone, my imagination can go really far and I would end up scaring myself silly..... as if what I am going through is not scary enough.

I am so small , so petite yet the 'problem' I am shouldering is oh-so-heavy.

I know I cannot and should not give up hope to carry on with life. And I know I would always have Him and husby as my best confidantes.

It is easy to cry and cry but that would never solve it. I know that and I try not to.

Of course the word is 'try'.